His Own Where Read online

  Angela use all her strength to ring the bell. Buddy look through the dining-room window where his mother watch the tree rip from the concrete and he see his girl fallen down small against the first floor window bars.

  Angela. He bring hers inside into the house the home of his life where he imagine her, but never, not this way, so fallen small she only seem a small girl. Buddy try to see how bad it is. He feel like vomiting. The loneliness is gone but in place of loneliness, this stranger Angela, so small.

  Look at her, afraid. Wrap her warm and carry her to his father car. Drive to the hospital.

  The attendant in the Emergency Room act very suspicious. “You beat up your girlfriend. Then you want us to patch her up for you, so you can beat her up some more.”

  He look at Angela.

  “She just a baby. You should be ashame.”

  He look at Buddy.

  “You just a kid yourself. What’s her name?”

  “Angela.”

  Man call the police.

  Angela unconscious so she can’t answer any of the questions that you have to if you want the hospital to treat you. Police come and question him, Buddy, and he tell them the street, house, and apartment of her parents. The police tell him stay there until they return.

  Buddy leaning on the rear wall of the Emergency Room. His body tight, fearing for Angela un-tended as the time continues to count by. Aides have taken her away from the waiting-room area, put her on a rolling steel-strong stretcher, cover lightly by a single sheet. Buddy leaning tired and horrify at the back of the gigantic room. Rows of churchly hardback wooden pews. Fat women slow tears from they eyes, they waiting. Old men, floppy trousers, scar-tissue skin, they waiting. Younger men, often mumbling to they self, they waiting too.

  Buddy leaning on the wall be thinking that the whole city of his people like a all-night emergency room. People mostly suffering, uncomfortable, and waiting.

  Police reach the building where Angela live. Find the apartment Buddy describe to them and knock on the door. Does he, Mr. Figueroa, have a daughter name of Angela?

  “Yes.”

  “She home?”

  “No.”

  “Where is she?”

  Angela father say he don’t know. “She sneak out, din’t leave no note.”

  “Has your daughter done this before?”

  “No.”

  “Anything unusual happen tonight?”

  “I tell her show some more respect.”

  “Where’s your wife?”

  “Sleeping.”

  “Don’t you want to know what has happened to your daughter, why we’re here?”

  “No. Maybe one of her boyfriends beat her.”

  The police demand to talk to Angela mother. They take her back with them to the hospital. Before they leave, Angela mother put on her uniform.

  At the hospital, Angela mother approach the stretcher, like a professional.

  “Yes, that’s Angela.”

  “Do you know what happened to her?”

  “No. Maybe one of her boyfriends beat her.”

  “She have a boyfriend name Buddy?”

  Mrs. Figueroa start to accuse Buddy, but she think of Buddy father, change her mind.

  “Mrs. Figueroa, we need you to answer some questions and give permission for the hospital to treat your daughter. She’s in serious condition. Will you do that?”

  Angela mother shrug her agreement and go into the Administration Office with the police.

  The desk attendant keep his eye on Buddy leaning like stone at the back of the Emergency Room. Buddy almost frozen there and barely blink his eyes. The attendant feel sorry for him, and after making some inquiries, he go back and tell Buddy the word:

  “Your girlfriend’s in shock. They take her to the X-ray. Check out if she have a fracture. She lose a lot of blood, you know.”

  The attendant keep halting. Expect Buddy to say something. Buddy say nothing, just look away.

  “That must have been some terrible beating. You listening to me? Boy, what’s the matter?”

  Buddy roll his eyes toward the man face, slowly, see a kindly looking guy, brown skin with a clip mustache.

  Buddy tell him, “Well, you betta watch your language.”

  The kindly guy feel better because Buddy have answer him at last.

  “Hey, man, why don’t you take a load off the floor? Sit down someplace. You not helping nobody standing up there. It’s gone be a while.”

  “Okay.”

  Buddy move toward a open space, take a seat. Everywhere around him people into pain. Or asthma. Or just plain cold. They using the long wait as a kind of rescue from the street. Buddy thinking and feeling about Angela. Buddy thinking and feeling about his father. The life of the only two people, his father and his girl, inside this hospital.

  Buddy jump a little bit. Is he praying?

  Buddy don’t believe in God, but he catch himself inside his head like he be praying Angela, my father, Angela, my father. Help me. Somebody. Help.

  Both the two lives may be dying now, and nothing he can do. Buddy look around him, feel ridiculous, deserted, lonely, sitting there. Consider how much money do he have. Dollar seventy-five. And all at once his pockets swell with cash.

  Him, Buddy, up and down the aisle of the Emergency Room.

  Ask the lady “want some coffee?” Ask the man “you want a taste?” Pass out chewing gum and Hershey bars and Bali Hai and hot chocolate and hot coffee, lotsa cream. Got the sugar in his hand. Drop the sugar, one lump, two. Pass out pillows, airplane blankets. Taking towels to the men’s room, roll up carts of toilet paper, two-ply tissue, soft, oval sweetly scented soap. Strap himself to a outside window belt and wash the windows. Jump down afterward and rush and grab a broom and sweep and mop, then wring the mop. Bop into his father room. Close the curtains, lower the bed, take a shower, shake his head. Rush out find a florist, buy some flowers, tulips look to him like Angela.

  For his father buy some seeds, and haul some open land into the hospital.

  Buddy sitting still where he has sat.

  seven

  they call it child abuse. They mean when Angela get beat so bad the hospital have to treat her.

  But why Angela parents have to work so hard and long and why they have to live so crowded up they saying nothing. Point no finger. Take no action. Still the consequences standing pretty terrible and clear. The beating Angela have suffer come through pretty terrible and clear. The Family Court hold Angela in custody. Send Angela to what the Court call “shelter,” in Manhattan.

  Angela brothers and sister be parcel out among the relatives until police will finish the investigation. When Angela seem well to leave the hospital a large policewoman bring her to the “shelter” in Manhattan. The shelter cross up between a penitentiary and school. Look like a regular old school look like a prison. Shelter girls forbidden to see boys. Buddy measuring the place from outside only. Out across the street from where his Angela be force to stay among too many girls women girls, no men. No boys. Only lonely miserable girls kept lonely.

  Buddy starving for the sight of Angela.

  The sound of her.

  Dictionary tell him shelter keep you safe from danger. He be worrying about old people when they think that love be dangerous.

  eight

  a couple weeks go by. Buddy father slipping into worse condition. Doctors tell him, anyday. Buddy go to school and blank out in the classroom chair. Thinking and feeling about Angela. Think about her face. Think about how small she seem. Think about her breasts. Think about her room.

  In Phys. Ed. Buddy organize his friends. They make it plain they don’t want no phony one-two exercising. They want real live physical education: sex education. Want straight films on sex. Want to learn anatomy. Buddy want to know what Angela look like inside. That where the giggle come from. They want contraceptives. They want sex free and healthy like they feel it. Buddy want his Angela.

  The principal say no. So Buddy organize his frie
nds. His friends organize their friends. They organize some more. All come together in the gym. Confront the principal.

  “What do we want?”

  “Sex!”

  “When do we want it?”

  “Now!”

  “What do we want?”

  “Sex!”

  “When do we want it?”

  “Now!”

  Principal be very annoy. Principal, a balding son of somebody, send for the A. V. teacher. Ask him bring a tape recorder and a microphone. Buddy and his friends raise the chant:

  “What do we want?”

  “What do we need?”

  “When do we need it?”

  “When do we want it?”

  The A. V. man arrive carrying a tape recorder and a microphone. The principal trying to bring the gym to order. Fifteen hundred boys calling out:

  “Now!”

  “Sex!”

  “Now!”

  “Sex!”

  Principal say, “Boys! Boys!”

  They lower the chant into a growling consultation among themselves. Come up with a new cry:

  “Girls! Girls!”

  “Two-four-six-eight-why don’t you coeducate?”

  “Girls! Girls!”

  “Two-four -six-eight-why don’t you coeducate?”

  “When do we want it?”

  “Now!”

  “Wow! Now! Girls! Girls!”

  The principal call out: “I am willing to negotiate, send me your leader.”

  Tremendous roar of laughter break loose from the boys.

  They rush forward as one man, Buddy at the front. Present the principal with their demands. Talk back and forth. The principal agree to order films immediately. But he want to negotiate the contraceptives.

  The boys appoint a committee who will meet with the principal, settle the details, settle the details. Design a contraceptive clinic. Buddy shove a clipboard underneath the principal nose. Tell him he will write down the particulars of the agreement. Sign it on the spot.

  The principal capitulate. Anyways, what can he argue? Do he want more unwed mothers? Tense unhappy students in the classroom? Rape around the corner? Streets too dangerous for his wife to walk down them alone? Mr. Hickey sign the paper.

  Buddy handspring somersault high hysterical and happy flying down the lunchroom. Want to eat some food.

  He reach the lunchroom. Smell the starchy cheese smell. Slide by the dry steam succotash. The superpeel potato. Stale whole wheat bread. The jerkoff corny butter squares.

  Buddy say “God-damn!”

  His friend ask, “What you mean?”

  Buddy say, “Today. From now. No more. No more eating garbage. And no more this rig-the-lunchroom garbage meaning that we have to squeeze uptight against the walls.”

  Buddy look around. Tell his lieutenant, “Get the biggest baddest phonograph and get it down here quick.” Tell his right-hand man, “Go find some sides. Don’t care where you get them. Get them. And bring them here.”

  Spot the lunchroom supervisor. Give out the word. The boys fall in behind him, close and ready. Buddy move slow to the supervisor Mr. Jenkins. Loudly put his question.

  “Mr. Jenkins, why you scrunch up all the tables one side of the lunchroom?”

  “Listen here, Rivers. What you trying to do?”

  “No, man, answer me. Why we got to sit in all these tables jam up to the side like that?”

  Mr. Jenkins reach out to hold on Buddy arm.

  “Don’t you touch me, Brother Jenkins.”

  “Rivers, I can explain this to you privately.”

  “I don’t wanna hear no privately.”

  “You can understand, it’s a lot easier.”

  “Don’t you tell me what I understand. You tell me what you have to say, then I’ll tell you what I understand.”

  “Only two of us patrol the lunchroom, Rivers. You know that.” Jenkins talking quickly, nervous now about the boys surrounding him. “Make it easier to control the situation.”

  “Control!” Buddy mimicking. “Control. You pack us in like animals, and then you say, they act like nothing more than animals. To hell with your control.” Buddy start to snap his fingers, rhythmic. Snap. Snap.

  Get it together!

  Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

  Get it together.

  Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

  Other students pick it up. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

  Get it together.

  Buddy say, “Shit. Must be some women in this lunchroom. Find the women!”

  Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

  Buddy dash. Buddy dash over to the counter. Jump the counter. Run over, hold a woman.

  “Hey, sweetheart, I know you got to be somebody’s mother! Am I right or wrong?”

  The woman try to be angry with him, but she laugh.

  Buddy say, “Come on, big Momma, dance with me!”

  Buddy urge the woman out. The other boys be imitating what he do. Find all them women in the lunchroom. Bring them out, and proud. Buddy yell, “Some music, jim, some music!”

  First lieutenant plug the phonograph and wail the volume to the limit. The music start. The boys push drag and shove the tables out the way. Furore in the lunchroom. Big Mommas in the middle, like church sisters taking care a ceremony. Dignified, and happy. Rocking to the beat.

  The boys be jumping on the tables. Snatch some silverware. Beat the furniture to drums. Beat and stamp and clap and dance, and listen to the music. Moving to the music. Making up the music. In the middle, all the Mommas jiggle and they wiggle, dip and strut, break and shake. Take the handkerchief from out the pocket of they uniform. Wipe they forehead. Rock around the floor. Rock. Rock. Rock. Snap, snap. Stamp, stamp. Turn the lunchroom on.

  Seven hundred young Black men and four big Mommas doing a dance, in the Boys’ High lunchroom.

  They having so much fun, they hardly hear the sirens racing to the school. The police rush in at the four doors to the lunchroom. Stand there stupefied. Try to figure out what’s happening.

  Some of the students leap right over, friendly style, ask, “Any women with you?”

  Police uncertain what to do. Suddenly the music stop. Mr. Hickey cross the lunchroom, hurriedly on the diagonal. “Arrest him! Arrest him! Where is Rivers? Arrest him!”

  The dancing stop.

  Buddy come right over to Hickey. Ask him, “Are you looking for me?”

  “There he is. Book the troublemaker. Get him out of my school.”

  Sergeant look around, see all the boys friendly and relax. He see the big Mommas smiling hope to dance some more.

  “What’s the charge?”

  “Disorderly conduct, idiot!”

  “Who are you calling ‘idiot’? Mr.—--?”

  “Hickey. I’m the principal here.”

  Sergeant look at the floor and say, “Disorderly conduct. You got a printed rule prohibit dancing in the lunchroom, Mr. Hickey?”

  “Printed?! You know the rules, Sergeant. You can see for yourself what has happened here!” Exasperated, he shouts, “Jenkins! Where are you?”

  Jenkins stroll slowly over to the principal. Jenkins looking at the four big Mommas. Think about his own. He say, “Mr. Hickey, we—”

  Hickey interrupt him. “We!?”

  “Well, I—I mean—the fellas—you know—and I—just have some music going on. You know, break the monotony, change from the routine.”

  So the talk goes. The sergeant shake his head and leave the lunchroom, laughing. Ask the Mommas, “How you doing? How’s everything?”

  They tell him everything be fine.

  But Buddy be suspended.

  And beside the principal tell Buddy that he can’t come back to school unless he bring a parent with him. Buddy think about how dumb the idea is: his parents. Would have to mean a uncle or a aunt come up explaining and polite. Buddy rather wait until his father maybe leave the hospital and come to school: his father be right there to deal with the principal. So Buddy have to stay suspended.


  nine

  time and time and day and night Buddy be alone. At the hospital, he watch his father, hanging on, unconscious. Live on sugar, flow down from a bottle through a tube into a vein of his muscular and idle arm.

  Buddy try for small talk with Mrs. Figueroa. But she give him the glaring of her ugly eye. Angela be transfer from the shelter to a Catholic Home for Girls, outside the city, call St. Margaret.

  Buddy is practicing to drive his father’s car the long way up to Angela in Middlebrook. He have been around the local corners some before but never no long practice drive to get him ready for the big trip.

  Tuesday he decide to practice right around the city where the traffic bars the river from the people. Buddy off into a territory takes it thirty-five miles per at midday in-between what folks call heavy. Thirty-five miles per.

  The car run like two tons of filthy thick and deeply spotted oil down Halsey Street between the Blackwood Keep-Your-Neighborhood-Clean placards tilted up strict in the flowerless front yards of redandyellow grayandbrown brownstones. Then the street merge into Fulton Street and subway stops. The workclothes clothingstores. Novelty shops. Goodwill centers. Secondhand refrigerators icebox bedspring coffeepercolator shoes and dresses trouserpants and earmuffs. Fish and barbecue and Jesus Saves Me tabernacles. Drug and beautybarbershops. A stonewhite Virgin Mary statue and a place where Flats Be Fixed and Records Sold at Bargain Prices. Fulton Street.

  One time Buddy want to buy a present for Angela so he walk Reid Avenue past all the short thin younger kids who live half in the hallway half on the avenue. Go walk on up to Fulton Street and bop into one shop after another. Find nothing but the smell of old cheese and old fat men with dirty smiles. Or else the smell of old yellow cheese and heavy dust covered crap nobody ever want under Easter egg sloppycolor cellophane.